Raquel called.

She says that she doesn't know if she's going to be coming back to the states anytime soon.

Veoh video posters community!

My first video posting as a member of the community! Enjoy.

News.

So Raquel's gone. Back to Puerto Rico. And for me, it's back to work. I can't even begin to summarize what's happened in the last few weeks in a blog. No way. I let her turn my world upside down and my skin inside out. I feel passive, whereas I used to feel agressive. I feel content whereas I used to feel anxious. Is this what love feels like?

Raquel..

So, since that epic night at TD's Raquel and I have hung out twice. The first time we went to Cassie's for drinks and the second I met her for lunch. It turns out she works right down the street from me so we made plans for a Monday luncheon. Looking back I would say things went well; I was nervous as fucking hell at the time. By the time the evening came to a close we were playing twister in Cassie's living room smoking and drinking gin and tonics. Things got comfy, I walked away with a good feeling, and I'm hoping that she did too. We are planning to see each other again in the next few days, but it will probably end up being this weekend, since I've got so much fuckin' work to get through this week. I'm sure I'll let you know.

I eat my words.

FIRST OF ALL. THE LAST POST I MADE IS NOW IN QUESTION. I THINK THAT MY LIFE AS A PLAYER MAY HAVE BEEN CUT SHORT.

Last night I went out with my buddies after work. I've been working non stop for the last month, and I decided that it was starting to go to my head (see my last post). We hit up TD's, the way we do, and drank until our guts hated us. In between leaving work and waking up and vomiting into my pillow, some shit went down.
Anyways, the story begins at the end of our second pitcher of PBR: buzzed and happy, Kev and I (the only two eligible bachelors in the group) decided to hit the playing field. This chick I knew, Casandra, was sitting with some friends of hers from out of town at the booth behind us. Casandra is a looker, don't get me wrong, but her and I are the kind of friends that go to the beach on the 4th of July or watch the superbowl together; her friend though... she introduced herself as Raquel, and she's in the States on business from Puerto Rico. I guess that Cassie and Raquel knew each other during college, when Cassie's family hosted Raquel as a foreign exchange student and they had remained close since. After a couple beers, Raquel and I started hitting it off and after a few more beers we made our way to the dance floor.
Immediately upon hitting the floor, we were getting our grind on. I bought her another beer and we sat at the bar after our dance run. I was feeling good, she was feeling good, and Cassandra and Kev were chatting it up in their booth. Raquel left to the bathroom while I remained at the bar. I watched Raquel head back to Cassie, who got up and accompanied Raquel to the ladies room. Kev stood up and half-stumbled over to the bar and took Raquel's empty seat. As we talked about the events of the night, Cassie and Raquel stumbled back from the bathroom; Raquel looked pale and Cassie informed us that Raquel was feeling sick and that they were going to head out. Kev and I said our goodbye's, and I told Raquel that I would love to see her again. She assured me she would, since she was in the US for another 2 weeks.
I kissed her on the cheek and she left with Cassie. Kev and I ordered another pitcher of beer (Anchor Steam this time) and headed back to the buddies at the table. The rest of the night went pretty typically for a drunken night at TD's; I ended up being carried out of there by my dudes, puked in the cab home, pulled my ass up the stairs and passed the fuck out in my clothes. I woke up this morning at 8:00, puked on my bed, crawled to the bathroom and passed back out on the bathroom floor. It's 1:00pm now, and I'm nursing another hangover from hell. Thank god I don't have to work today, and thank god for internet video.
I need to call Cassie to get ahold of Raquel, but that can wait until I'm in better shape. By the way, I hope this is real:

ho's and pro's

NOTE: The ideas within are simply...theoretical. Maybe.

My life in Austin is quite a bit different than any other period in my life. It will prove to be one of a lot of work. I have simple, clearly defined financial goals that will allow me to move operations to the West Coast. One of the ways I am saving cash is by not going out and drinking. I love drinking, and I don't mind spending lots of money on partying and drinking. But for the time being, I must set it aside for the most part. One of the driving forces behind my love for drinking is sex. I like to get drunk and play the field. Lets say for instance that the field I am talking about is a soccer field. While many of my friends could be described as strikers, or forwards, I would describe myself as a midfielder. I can put myself in position to score, and I often do, but I also spend alot of time helping my teammates score, and alot of time playing defense. that is, keeping girls from scoring on me. But this is off point for tonights blog. I wonder to myself, "can I really resist the temptation to go out?" and my best answer to this is, yes, if I truly have to be up on Saturday or Sunday to work at that second job. But if not, I know myself, and I will be going out, and drinking alot and trying to find drugs too. I will have to discipline myself to drink beforehand or sneak alcohol in. or do whatever I have to in order to keep the bill of getting fucked up at a minimun. but there is another question that goes hand in hand with going out. what the hell are you going to do for sex? Most of you know, that I don't need much. but i do go after a small portion of sex. I wonder, will i meet some woman in the workplace and we can go to the bathroom real quick or something? probably not. Well, what about prostitutes? is it wrong? Wouldn't it be nice to have some call girl or place I could go for a bit some night after a productive week and get in, get out? we all know that in these circumstances, it doesn't really matter who, right?

The vast majority of men pursuing sex have it for free. I'm not talking about with their girlfriends. for that is outside of the realm of this argument and I'm sure your boyfriend/girlfriend is wonderful. Usually a single dude will have a girl that is down for some sex. It goes on for anywhere from one night to a couple weeks usually. Then the situation dissolves and the man moves on. Often those girls that will screw you for one night, have something wrong with them. Most girls that are willing to do this have something going on in their lives that isnt healthy that is leading directly to their fucking of you that night. In a large percentage of my encounters, I have smiled a bit as I exploit the situation. I have a choice, keep my mouth shut and keep that party vibe rollin and let things happen, or say something upstanding, or caring, or keenly insightful, that takes the situation away from all that sexual attraction going on and fuck everything up for myself. I don't like doing this, because it can be mistaken for the relationship vibe and either scare them away for ever or make them want you more. both bad things for me.

So, more often than not, I look for a way out of getting some ass. I have actually bolted out the door at top speed in situations where the woman did not have my contact information. I have pretended to be infected with a sexually transmitted disease, which is quite effective at killing attraction. but mostly i give lame ass excuses that piss girls off.

I'm sick of this problem. I am opening a new chapter of my life, and I'm kicking around this idea. I will just tell girls with whom the issue arises that I am not in the least bit interested in getting in their pants or being their man. because I'm busy these days and I budget my sex for about hundred dollars a month. then I can have lots of cool and/or attractive female friends completely tension free and lie free.

Since I almost always feel guilty for exploitation or deception, or some failure as a truly caring human being in the intimate encounters that I have for free, I do not think that sex with a prostitute is worse. It is still exploitative, no doubt. But they decided to be prostitutes. A decision just like the one some women have made in the past to have sex with me for free. The difference is, I give them an actual, honest exchange for the sex in the form of currency, whereas in the other circumstance, there is much uncertainty and a lack of honest or clear understanding of the terms and circumstances of the activity. Plenty of times, women say that there will be no strings attached and they like random sex as much as men do, but they LIE! no surprise there. and I'm not Luke, so I can't guarantee that a woman will experience orgasm(or 4 to 5 in Luke's case). so I don't believe that saying free sex between single people can be as simple as an orgasm exchange is legitimate.

i forward this philosophical position: Having sex with a prostitute is not morally worse than having sex with a non-prostitute.

you are invited to support or attack it. i will be more than happy to respond with more information, clarification, or whatever. I have found in my studies that many men I admire retained the services of prostitutes at some point. Including Abraham Lincoln, a man close to my own heart. I think it is wrong to have sex with prostitutes. But since I am not committed to living a life striving for excellent character, I am curious about trying it out. the list of benefits of using prostitutes is long and compelling.


this is a veoh vid of what things will be like for me

my friend wrote this for the boston globe. i really liked it.

Ben Bright-Fishbein is a risk-taker known for his stories of travel and danger, friends say.

Breaking News Alerts During Palestinian elections, BrightFishbein left the West Bank only when gunshots sprayed into the air, say friends who were not surprised by the weekend trek that landed Bright-Fishbein in the news. The 20-year-old Brown University junior ventured alone into the West Bank city of Nablus, where he was abducted Saturday by a Palestinian gunman while he sat in a cafe.

``This is absolutely Ben's style," said Jeremy Fugleberg , a friend and former classmate reached yesterday by telephone in South Dakota. ``I am sure he didn't want to be kidnapped, but this is absolutely Ben's style," said Fugleberg.

In a videotaped statement shown on Al-Jazeera television on Saturday, the New York City native said his captors would kill him if Israel did not release Palestinian prisoners.

Then, just as suddenly as they had taken him, dressed him in a skullcap, and said he was Israeli on the video, militants from the Al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades turned him over to Palestinian security forces, who freed him to Israeli authorities near Nablus, a center for anti-Israeli militants.

Neither Bright-Fishbein nor his parents could be reached yesterday.

A friend who studied last semester with Bright-Fishbein at Hebrew University said the freed student was exhausted from being interrogated.

Reached by phone in Tel Aviv, Rachel Fredman , 20, said Bright-Fishbein called her yesterday. She said that his latest visit to Nablus was not the first to the West Bank for the political science major, who speaks some Arabic.

She said the abduction video, which showed Bright-Fishbein holding a Hebrew University student ID card, made him appear to be an Israeli. She said he does not normally wear a yarmulke.

``Ben is a secular guy, and that was propaganda," Fredman said.

Matan Shamir , another friend who had studied with BrightFishbein, said he traveled with Bright-Fishbein to the West Bank city of Ramallah three weeks ago.

``It is so easy to get there from Jerusalem," Shamir said in a telephone interview . ``You get on the Palestinian shuttle and go. It costs about 5 shekels, a little more than a dollar, not much to it at all."

Shamir, 20, said he returned from Jerusalem to the United States yesterday to learn that Bright-Fishbein had been abducted. ``I don't know what . . . he was thinking," he said.

Bright-Fishbein told Israeli investigators he had been kidnapped by a gunman named Ahmed, who chanced upon him at coffee shop .

``He [Ahmed] had a pistol, a grenade, and a machine gun," Bright-Fishbein told investigators, according to Reuters.

News that Palestinians had seized a hostage led to a search by Israeli troops and Palestinian security forces.

``In the end, I got the impression that they were in over their heads, and they were going crazy talking on the phone," BrightFishbein said, Reuters reported.

The 2003 graduate of Horace Mann High School in Riverdale, N.Y., attended American University in Cairo in fall 2005 and Hebrew University this spring. He writes for the Brown Daily Squeal, a political blog on campus, and interned this spring at the Jerusalem Post.

Another classmate, Richard Shusteris , 20, said curiosity led Bright-Fishbein to explore the West Bank.

Samuel Ashworth , a high school friend reached by phone in New York yesterday, said he and Bright-Fishbein are supposed to spend the summer in China.

``He likes to go where conflict is and get into peoples' faces," Ashworth said. `` He doesn't have appreciation of the dangers."

In an e-mail he sent Ashworth in April, Bright-Fishbein wrote about his plans to travel throughout the region. ``I hope I don't get kidnapped . . . wish me luck," Bright-Fishbein wrote. ``I might learn the first chapter of the Koran in case I am kidnapped."


AND....a video from veoh since that is the new theme of my blog...sharing videos with everyone. I liked this short film from a new series i found called best fest.